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A Forgotten Lover’s Desperate Letter To Barack Obama

Times-Tribune writer Chris Kelly, showing himself perhaps too much in touch with his feminine side, wrote a satirical love letter from the city of Scranton (and I mean from the city itself) to president Barack Obama, wondering if the sparkles and magic are still there or if the honeymoon really is over. It’s quite chuckle-worthy while also raising a good point about the dire straights of the Scrantons of America.

Dear Barack,

I’m sorry to be sending this now, what with you down in the polls and clinging to Big Bird like a huge, yellow life preserver. It’s just been so long since we’ve seen each other face-to-face, and a girl who’s been clinically diagnosed as chronically distressed by a small army of specialists needs a little attention every once in a while.

Is that really so much to ask?

I’m lonely, B., and you don’t seem to notice, let alone care. You’re so distant, I’m beginning to wonder if I ever meant anything to you at all. I know you haven’t shown much love to any Pennsylvania city this election season, but I thought We had Something Special. Remember 2008? I do. It was the first time since the Industrial Revolution that I felt pretty, like the belle of a ball called in my honor. I was an Anthracite Snow White and you were Prince Too Charming to Resist.

It was magical. Written in the stars. Once upon a time and Happily Ever After. You said you felt it, too. I guess Forever is a lot shorter than it used to be.

Read the rest at the Times-Tribune

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